If Only The Fire Had Burned Every Single Copy

Every morning on the way in to work, my wife and I check out The River 105.9's 80's show called "The 80's At 8". which always promptly starts at 8:08 (get it?). Usually, it's a good time, and often we hear some classics as well as some bizarre obscurities like Opus' 1984 single "Live Is Life" or The J. Geils Band's "No Anchovies Please". The other morning, however, made us want to vomit as we started to pull out of our driveway and onto our street. The song that started the show was one of the worst atrocities known to man as far as recorded music is concerned. That song is "We Didn't Start The Fire" by Billy Joel.

Many would say that one of the worst recorded music atrocities is another Joel-related recording, namely his 1970 album with another goofy dude as Attila. While that record is kinda cheesy, it really does have some decent moments on it if you're a fan of the psychedelic acid rock sound or a heavily treated electric organ. It's really a nasty record, and I truly think it would be held in higher regard if people weren't kissing Joel's solo songs' asses so much. As a start to the morning, "We Didn't Start The Fire" immediately pissed me off for the remainder of the day. The lyrics are just stupid and makes Michael Stipe's lyrics in "It's the End of the World As We Know It" seem like a Rimbaud poem. If Billy Joel really wanted to change the world, which is what he aimed for by writing this horrendous song, he would have turned in his driver's license to New York state to rid the world of one less drunk driver.

He should be banned from the airwaves. Awful, just bloody awful.

Crime #1 - After Hours Soundtrack Never Released

After Hours (1985) is the greatest film ever made, according to me. It was Martin Scorsese's lone attempt at comedy and it was as dark as coal. If you have ever seen it, you know why this post is meaningful. If you have not, do read on...

A soundtrack album was never released for After Hours even though it had myriad songs by so many different artists in so many genres. The film included a treasure trove of oft-forgotten classics, such as Robert & Johnny's doo-wop classic "You're Mine", a hit for Hy Weiss's soul label Old Town Records in the late 1950's and "Chelsea Morning" by Joni Mitchell, off her Clouds LP. As a young boy of 13, I was introduced to Bad Brains' classic "Pay To Cum" during the infamous "mohawk this guy" scene. But, to my dismay when I was a mere youth, well into my high school years and during the early Napster days of illegal downloads, I could never find half the songs that were in this film. Slowly, but surely, I have compiled them and may post a "soundtrack" on my sister blog sometime soon. The songs were absolutely perfect in every sense of the word, especially during the end in which Peggy Lee's classic "Is That All There Is?" plays over a nightclub's PA system as the "last call" song.

Why was this movie soundtrack never released? Geffen, as in David Geffen, as in Geffen Records, released the picture through Warner Bros. studios. Geffen could have easily released the soundtrack on his own label, and Warners distributed Geffen Records at the time anyway. Scorsese was certainly big enough of a director to warrant a soundtrack release as well. Yet, here I am, twenty-four years later, still wondering why such a great collection of songs has yet to see the light of day, together, on black wax or shiny silver compact disc. A travesty. A crime indeed.

Running Low On Soul Coal (for Lucy)

Oooooooh...comments already, and some nasty, argument-causing ones! At the moment, I am listening to XTC's 1984 opus The Big Express, which is, essentially, one of their weakest selling albums ever due to the indifference and/or chaos it caused in the XTC fanbase. It's very electric, noisy, and almost unnerving at times, a big difference from the pastoral, "farmboy" feel of the album that preceeded it, Mummer. Well, friends, here's a not-too-surprising (or is it?) revelation about yours truly: The Big Express is my favorite XTC album.

Some highlights of the first post's comments:

anthony carreras said...

Why do people think it's strange that I prefer "The Bends"? I do, too, dear Norman Beats. Also The Blow Monkeys far superior to anything Wet Wet Wet ever did. The Blow Monkeys are one of the most underrated and under appreciated bands of the 1980's.

lowbrow said...

I'm on tenterhooks. Nice Orange Juice plug, there, pally. And the correct answer to "The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?" is of course, The Who. I'll have to disagree, here, for one large reason, er, a few rather large ones. The Who were good but not great. In that category you have aforementioned Stones, as well as The Kinks, The Small Faces and The Animals, all better than The Who.

And since you started it, I'm going to be the one to say it: New Order are complete shite compared to Joy Division. Not shite compared to anyone else, just Joy Division. Straight for the jugular I say! You just dug your tenterhook right into my flesh, friend. Jesus.

Chris said...

I completely agree with the 3 statements at the top of the page.
Also, to be completely honest, I've never seen what the big deal about Joy Division was. Or Bauhaus, for that matter. I'll give you Bauhaus, although if you like Bowie, that's totally not consistent thinking...but Joy Division? This must be the Chris who hates the Velvets, which means, of course, he cannot like Ian Curtis' vocals. Sad, my friend, so sad.

Lastly, I would like to mention that Lucy, of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" fame, has passed away aged 46. R.I.P., love.

Hi, I'm Mean Mr. Mustard

Above are the only two albums worth my dollars by The Beatles. Over the years, I have grown accustomed to disliking more and more of their songs. Whether it's the boring "yeah yeah yeah" early-60's Fab Four or the later period "acid drenched" psych period, I find them to be completely and utterly bland. Except, of course, the albums listed above. I am in the minority, but I like to be in the minority. Before anyone influences my thoughts on music, I actually listen to the songs rather than read a Christgau review or solely rely on album sales charts via Billboard magazine. Just because it is popular does not mean it is for everyone. Take soccer, for example. Wildly popular throughout the world, except for here in the States. For the record, I do like soccer so don't assume I hate things musically based on popularity.

The purpose of this blog is as follows:

1) I want to speak my thoughts because I am a music nerd and I love to engage in discussions with other music nerds.
2) If this becomes a popular enough blog, I may work in a publishing deal to release these entries to the world in book format. I have a baby coming soon...extra income is always desired.

More on the Fab Four later on. If I had to choose an artist's discography, between The Beatles and The Stones, it would always be Jagger & the boys. Let the vitriol begin!